it has been a very busy week..tormenting. proposal for thesis, tests, assignments and presentations. ugh. there were so many things to cope with, my life has suddenly accelerated in speeds and directions too difficult for me to focus on.
we managed to celebrate my birthday anyways, everything being last minute. it was simple, and we didn't really have a plan, so we kind of merayau je pergi mines after the dinner for a karok session, but then it was already closed.hahah! so we just sat around, borak2. i know it sounds like wasting time, and very apakah-yang-berlaku kind of celebration, but it was all that i could hope for. i enjoy just spending time borak2 with people dear to me. hehe..
the next day i spent with someone, well..i dont know how to describe him in words. im still confused of what i feel for him. i just know that there is something strong, and yet it makes me feel peaceful. he wanted to buy me a present (he apologized that he didn't get my present yet and asked if could 'pilih apa yang u nak, nanti i belikan ok'). the thing was, i could not decide on what i wanted!!
how could i decide on mere material stuffs when all i wanted was for him to come and see me here. we went around looking for sth i might want, and AKU BUNTU OKAY!
at last i settled for a book - eclipse.hahah.
but before that...jeng3..i did sth reaaaaaalllllyyyy stupid i could've buried my face in the putrajaya lake.nope. that would still get me attention.argh!
i wanted to send a text to efie, it said this 'efie, ap nk mintak kt **** as birthday present ea, ak buntu ar. ak nk die je sbenanye.haha'. and so i hit the send button without realising that the 'to' column was filled with his number!! how daft can i get????!!!!
haihh..da lama tak memalukan diri sendiri mcm ni. what was i thinking??..
owh i was thinking of him. like all the time. dush.
the next big thing was that i actually told him that i sent him a wrong msg, that could he please let me delete it, but he berlengah-lengah until he sent me back. sah-sah he wanted to read kan? at first i was so menggelabah thinking of the consequences that might happen if he read it, then by the time we lepak-ed at the lake, i thought that i have nothing to lose (only my face) and that whatever happens, in the end it could only be yes or no, everything or nothing, i'll be with him or i won't. so i pasrah je lah..but i do feel like i could shoot myself, even now.heheh
btw, he said that we would find my birthday present later, and i held out the book and he said 'tu bukan present la'.hehe..he likes to keep me hoping kan..
if i could only just say to him 'u coming here was the nicest birthday present ever'...
but i couldn't.
then.
i read this at his page.
1. his status said 'don't know what i want!!!'
- he seldomly uses a ! apetah lagi 3 !
- he seldomly shows that he is 'unstable'. he status usually says things that are forward-looking, or goal-oriented.
- he sounds like me.hahah
2. there was a link to a song. 'ku bukan aku' by a band called tilu.
Lama sungguh hari berlalu,
Hening malam menyiksaku,
Bila bersendirian sepi jadi pilu,
Kau pergi aku yang hilang,
Sedikitpun hidup tak senang,
Langit cerah ku renung mendung kelabu,
KERANA DIRIKU BUKAN AKU,
TIAP KALI KAU MENJAUH,
FIKIRAN TAK KERUAN,
JIWA RASA KEKOSONGAN,
DIRIKU BUKAN AKU TIAP KALI KAU MENJAUH,
PULANGKAN DIA KEPANGKUANKU...
Yang digemar menjadi bosan,
sukarnya cari ketenteraman,
Bila hati bersedih semuanya tak betul,
Ku cuba setabah hati melupakan,
Dirimu dari ingatan,
Tapi semakin di cuba semakin rindu
Hening malam menyiksaku,
Bila bersendirian sepi jadi pilu,
Kau pergi aku yang hilang,
Sedikitpun hidup tak senang,
Langit cerah ku renung mendung kelabu,
KERANA DIRIKU BUKAN AKU,
TIAP KALI KAU MENJAUH,
FIKIRAN TAK KERUAN,
JIWA RASA KEKOSONGAN,
DIRIKU BUKAN AKU TIAP KALI KAU MENJAUH,
PULANGKAN DIA KEPANGKUANKU...
Yang digemar menjadi bosan,
sukarnya cari ketenteraman,
Bila hati bersedih semuanya tak betul,
Ku cuba setabah hati melupakan,
Dirimu dari ingatan,
Tapi semakin di cuba semakin rindu
the words made me..have butterflies in my stomach. did he refer to me? did he met someone and this referred to that person? or maybe he just like the song? was the gesture of coming to celebrate my birthday was sth he would do for anybody? maybe he IS charming to every girl he knows? who knows
i envy bella for having edward and jacob at the same time. but then again, they are not real.
